the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Even my vagina gasped.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
