everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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