billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
