Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
