and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
