he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
