The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
