You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
