Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
found the other keg... it's in the tree
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
