so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
sarcasm needs its own font
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
