I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
