Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
