question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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