Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
