Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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