So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
