What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Randomize
