i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
