I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
