I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
