There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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