I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
