I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
