it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
