wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
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I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
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I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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