And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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