My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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