I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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