I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
