There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
