Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
