Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
