some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
