You just made me feel so damn special
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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