she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My vagina is very pro this idea
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
