Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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