i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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