I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
