did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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