I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think your dad took our porno
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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