i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
