Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
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he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
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You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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