He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
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Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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