you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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