Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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