Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
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