Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Boobs speak an international language.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
