Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
