You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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