Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
