i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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