I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
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