2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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