he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
