If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
