That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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