he puts the penis in happiness.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
