I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
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