i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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