if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
