Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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