Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
