Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
