my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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