Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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