plz talk dirty to me
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
