Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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