This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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